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In your community and mine, there are 100,000 registered
sex offenders in California. There are 4000 registered sex
offenders in Santa Clara County. These are just the ones we
know about. Just the label “sex offender” incites
fear and disgust in the minds of most people. Sex offenders
are viewed as the scum of the earth, as the pariah of society.
In the fall of 2002, I received a call from my mother. She
and her staff had experienced some changes and she wanted
me to do the training for her program. For over 17 years I
knew my mother had been working with sex offenders but had
never been involved. It was just what my mother did and on
occasion I would hear references to this work from her. But
what did I really know about it? I was asking myself, “What
do I know about working with sex offenders?” and “Do
I want to?” I felt trepidation and hesitated. At the
time, I was starting a business as a Personal Life Coach and
Trainer. I needed the work, but…sex offenders.
My parents raised me to be open-minded, however so I agreed
to give it a try. I started working with my mother on the
material for the first workshop. It all seemed like something
I could handle.
One of the most important elements of the program I was
to learn is “Layouts”. This involves the sex offender
outlining in detail their offense, what they did, who they
did it to, whether or not they are still having thoughts about
it, and if they could do it again? The purpose of layouts
is to ensure that the sex offender is taking full responsibility
for their behavior and actions. There is no room for denial
here.
As I started my first workshop on Rational Thinking, the
plan was to use “layouts” as a way of having the
sex offenders introduce themselves. So I listened as each
person went through this process. It’s not an easy thing
to listen, straight-faced while people describe how they’ve
harmed children. But by the end of the first evening, my trepidation
had shifted.
I was watching the news one evening shortly after that when
a report came on indicating that a high-risk sex-offender
had just been released from prison. The report was urging
people to BEWARE, be on the alert, lock up your children.
I found myself asking, “What is wrong with this picture?”
The media is used as a tool to help find missing children
and to track down offenders, rightly so. But the horrific
crimes in which children are kidnapped and murdered are a
miniscule portion of the total population labeled “sex
offenders”. But as a result of the media alarming the
public of a threat—all sex offenders are being lumped
together.
The prevailing view is that all sex offenders should be
locked up for life. Some feel they should be put to death
or castrated. But not all offenses warrant life in prison.
The label “Sex offender” includes: Rape, child
molestation, incest and exhibitionism. Without getting into
details, this is a very broad spectrum.
Incarceration is perceived as a means of punishment insuring
the safety of the community. According to treatment specialists
most people released from prison are more embittered and antisocial
than when they were first sentenced. This is true for sex
offenders as well. Prison ALONE is non-productive. It’s
like slapping someone’s hand, letting them out and telling
them not to do it again.
With the sex offenders’ pathology, they come out with
worse fantasies, more violent and more angry. Often their
crimes escalate and they do more harm to their victims.
By the time I finished my first workshop, I saw these people
in a whole new light. Whether we like it or not—these
are every day people, high-school teachers, construction workers,
engineers and gas station attendants. Lately, it’s become
painfully obvious that they are also priests.
But no one, as they’re growing up says, “I think
I’ll be a sex offender when I grow up”. They don’t
choose this behavior anymore than an alcoholic or drug addict
chooses. They don’t want to spend their lives in prison
and they know that that is the alternative to getting help.
So they are generally very motivated.
The addiction sex offenders have is not unlike alcoholism
or drug addiction. Unfortunately, the outlet their addiction
takes directly harms children. But the cycle of offense and
the thought processes that lead up to the sexual offense are
very similar to those addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, relationships
and work.
The enormous stigma in our society for addicts has lessened
over time because people have received information. This is
also needed for sex offenders.
What’s to be done?
We need to draw a line. First, violence needs to be treated
like any other crime. If the person has raped, they should
go to prison. All sex offenders should be assessed to determine
if treatment is appropriate. Those who aren’t violent
and haven’t raped, who are able to admit what they have
done have a good chance for rehabilitation. We need to educate
the community, court officers such as district attorneys,
judges and probation officers. We need to provide treatment
for likely candidates in prison and in the community.
Since these people are walking the streets of your community
and mine, we owe it to ourselves and to our children to help
sex offenders change their behavior. By helping sex offenders
rehabilitate, we are helping ourselves and protecting our
children.
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